just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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