She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
