Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
