I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
