party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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