distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
