Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
vagina is talking i cant
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
