where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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