Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
