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Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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