My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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