I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
