You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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