That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
