Cold hands, warm shart.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
