ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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