yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
