o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
