I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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