I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
