I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
