my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just google imaged poop.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
