I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
