Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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