Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
