After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
two words...techno handjob
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
