New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
