Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
