first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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