Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
