just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
