Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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