Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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