And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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