Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
