you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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