tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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