Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
