omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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