I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
