I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
