like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
