I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
