K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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