So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
