you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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