I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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