Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize