How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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