Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
