onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
