I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she peed on how many people?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I need moral support for this bender
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
