Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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