I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
