Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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