if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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