i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
PANTIES FOUND
why is half of my head shaved?
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