Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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