stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
