Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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