I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i believe in u and ur pee
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
