i barfeds in our rink
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
