the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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