Sry I called you an 8
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
