I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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