I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we're making bets on your personal life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
