that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
