My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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