using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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