People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
