so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
