It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
