rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
