Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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