hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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