i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
