Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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