How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
